Book1  Our Love Story
by ToxicDiva
Summary: Welcome, to my first story about Kendall & James, its about their love for eachother. How they overcome struggles to be together, and how they came together. Please review, and comment. Please help me its my first story. Kames, love, danger, pain...
1. Chapter 1

_Welcome, to my first story. I wrote a love, hate, dangerous story about James and Kendall. They secretly love eachother. But they cant admit it to eachother, at the thought of losing one another's friendship. They finally come to the realization, that they really care for eachother. But they both have secrets, dangerous secrets. James has suicidal thoughts, he cuts himself, has no love from his family, was abused, and had to struggle with knowing that he is in love with someone that doesn't love him back. Kendall is a ticking-time bomb, he can snap over the little things, ever since his father died. He becomes angry since he feels that his love doesn't love him back. Can these boys come together and work together to overcome eachothers problems to be together no matter whats in their way?_

_I do not own Big Time Rush, that belongs to Nickelodeon. Rated M, for later chapter's. Smut/Rage/Danger/Sex/Suicide/ etc…_

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><p>Book 1<p>

Chapter .1. - My Love

Kendall

It was the four of them, Logan the nerd, Carlos the hyper kid, and James the pretty boy, the boy of my dreams, a secret love that isn't mine to hold. Then there's me, Kendall, the leader of the group, who's full on crazy psycho in love with someone who can never love them in return. He thinks I don't know, but I do know about his past. That his family abused him, made him blow random men for money. They assaulted him at any given moment. I know about his tragic past. Even having to give his own father his treasures.

I remember him crying on my shoulder not saying a word. But I secretly known everything. Since, he sometimes screams in his sleep, and for some reason I can feel it deep inside telling me whats going on, when he is crying on my shoulder. Even followed him home one time watching it all, would of helped but the neighbor caught me and reported me to the cops. If that didn't stop me, James own father, came by and told me himself,

"If you ever repeat what you just saw, I will personally kill James. I will make sure something bad happens to him that you will regret for the rest of your life." as he whispered in my ear.

From that moment on, I was silent, I was quiet, I was forever ….. that's just it, I cant explain it. I just wanted to protect him, no matter what happens to me. I was their for him, I was the silent shoulder for him to cry on, giving him soothing words. He saved my life, I owe him my life. He was their when no one else was, the first one without a call. When my dad died, I was never the same. But when James comes around I smile, a smile that isn't forced or fake, but a smile that's real. He was their for me to cry on, scream to the skies why me, why him. When my dad died, I became angry for no reason at all, screaming at people for the anything that reminded me of my dad, I became the jerk of school, the asshole. Only James could calm me down, only his laugh, his smile, his voice would calm me down. He would calm me down from my anger, my rage. He was my shoulder to cry on.

We were like two peas in a pod, inseparable, together always, we helped each other with our problems. I realized now that over the years, my feelings grew from friendship to love. Is it wrong to fall for your best friend, no my brother. James, the man who I love with all my heart. I love him, I want to be with him. If only he loved me in return, I know he loves me. But he loves me as a brother/his best friend, not as a lover. This is what makes me angry, most days cause I cant have the love I want to be my one and only. But he comes to calm me down, thinking its about my dad, when really its for him to hold me, close to his chest. Forever & Always in my heart my James, my true love.

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><p><em>So this is the first Chp. Of my book, I hope you guys loved it. The next Chp. belongs to James. Please review and help me move on with my story, ideas are welcomed. Oh and if its short story, sorry about that ... its supposed to be short in the first 2 chapters. It get longer, later in the 3rd chapter.<em>

_Xoxoxo_

_Toxic Diva_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter.2. - Here For You

James

- Flashback -

I remember going to Kendall's house, through the window quietly, so I wont wake up his little sister Katie, and his mom Ms. Knight. I would go to him, wake him up, and pour my heart out. He wouldn't mind, he even told me himself, his words ring around my head, as I step inside, the room I know so well, better than my own. I'm here almost all the time, I sometimes sleep here when I cry myself to sleep. Kendall never minds he never did. Kendall was asleep, the way he always does, facing the window, with it open, just in case I come along.

"James, wake me up anytime, if you need someone to talk to, if you need anything. Come to me, I'll be there for you. Anytime. Anywhere. I'm just a call away, remember that James. Remember that."

I stood by his bed, looking at him, thinking how lucky I am to have him as a friend, no a brother. I ask myself why me, why me, why … he could have been anyone's best friend, but he choose me, of all people. I keep looking, I just look at him … I look for almost an hour standing, wishing I haven't came, I always do this. But he wakes up, after an hour, he wakes and looks at me. His eyed invite me in, showing me he cares, that he wants to know what happened. But he never will know what happens to me, I don't want him to get hurt, to worry him over me, he has enough problems with his dad being dead, and having to work to help the family out.

Finally, I break and start to cry, and he grabs me and holds me tight to his chest. His scent sooths me, his words comfort me, his touch, his feel, everything, about him calms me.

"James it's ok, im here for you, listen to me I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. No matter what, I wont let you down. ….. Are you ready to tell me whats happening to you." Kendall whispers in my ear.

" No, … im not … ready yet … give me time … I will one day … just not yet … I need time, Kendall I need time, that's all … please understand." James whispered back, crying though snots.

"I understand James, tell me when your ready. I can wait, but I wanna know what happens to you … you're my best friend, no my brother … I will be here for you no matter what … remember that James … promise me that I will be the first to know, and you will come to me if your in danger." Kendall whispered back.

"Please understand, Kendall … I just cant tell you yet." James said, even though the tears came harder. " But I promise you I will come to you, when I need help, and you will be the first to know, I promise you that", he said with a teary smile.

They just stood their for an hour, holding each other. Soon falling asleep on Kendall's bed. Ms. Knight would understand, many a time she found the boys like that, but never questioned it, she knew that he came to talk to Kendall. She understand, just always wondered what will make the sweet boy cry like that.

- Flashback Over -

That was the day, I came to the realization that I love him more than a friend. I am truly, utterly in love with Kendall Knight, my best friend/brother. But my love, will be inside me, as I watch him go fall for someone else one day in life. Till that day I pray and hope that maybe he will love me too, but that day will never come. Never to come. Never to be happy. Never to know what real love would feel with him. I cut myself one last time, but this time I write, _My Dear Love, Kendall Knight_, across my heart, instead of writing on my body: worthless whore, sluttish bitch, prostitute, home-wreaker, you name it I may have wrote it on my body. No one knows this, not even Kendall, he will never know, he can never know, not a chance in hell will he find out.

_Oh my this is a longer chapter than the first, I saw how many people actually wanted to know more of my book, which Is more than I expected. I got writing right away, I expected to be finish in a day or two, but than I finished so fast, the words just came out, so I just typed. I was supposed to write a short chapter for James, but the flashback came out longer than I anticipated. Please enjoy, and sorry if they change tenses, for some reason, in all my writing that's my problem. But sometimes, its just necessary. So, farewell, enjoy, my freaks._

_Xoxoxo_

_Toxic Diva_


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry to inform the people who have read this fic, but my co-owner of this account has decided there is no way they can continue this story and has decided to leave this story to end. I'm so sorry. But I can tempt to try and this of this story can continue under my direction. If I cannot I will be sorry to end a story without it truly ending.

Xoxo the other toxicdiva


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